Forrest Frank- “Your Way’s Better” A Christian Artist Spotlight for Felicity
New Moon in Gemini
Welcome My Ghouls, Demons, and Fellow Wyrd Ones. You may be wondering what the fuck Melinoe Macaria Mourningstar is doing covering a Christian Artist?! Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, no I am not a Fairweather “Witch,” “Occultist,” “Anti-Conformist,” “Anarchist,” or any of the above. I am aware of the names I could be called for choosing to write this. I am aware of how often most of you out in the stratosphere view me to be a poser for my openness to the diversity of others. Especially when it comes to religious, spiritual and cultural beliefs. To be direct at the beginning? I have my strong opinions and critique. However, despite my feelings and/or criticism to other religions on an academic/intellectual level? I will never spread the same hate, judgment and ridicule I have endured. To quote a dear friend of mine, “I am the most Christian Satanist to exist.” A hilarious statement. In fact, I am not necessarily a “satanist.” I have studied “Satanism” and other “Left Hand Path” practices/customs. I find I don’t have a title that best fits my Spiritual Diversity and Eclectic Nature. I suppose you could simply call me the Rainbow of the Divine. I Witness and Love the full Spectrum of possibilities within God and the Creative/Creator Energy. So with that? I am writing this article for my beloved Niece, Felicity. Why?
Simply because she asked me to do so. Simply because she thought it was “Sooooooo Cooooool!!!” That her “TaTa” is writing for a Music Magazine. Simply because she is a HUUUUUGE Forrest Frank Fan, and his music is speaking Loudly to her Soul. During our phone call she exclaimed “I love, love, love this song. Forrest Frank is Amazing TaTa.” When it comes to my nieces, children, and people in general, I meet them with curiosity. It is not my job to project myself onto anyone. I do express myself vibrantly proud. I am not ashamed of myself, nor how I choose to express myself. Something I have battled with. I have been ridiculed most of my life for who I am and how I choose to be. I do not want anyone else to feel the same sorrow I have felt in the past. To question oneself is an indescribable pain. A pain particularly inflicted upon others by Christians. A pain my Christian Family, Country and Globe continues to inflict upon me to this day. In fact, I can dread sharing my thoughts out of anxiety that it may inflict a negative feeling onto someone else. I hate the thought that my perception, my feelings and my life could trigger such outrage in another being. An outrage so vastly intense that it wishes to diminish my right to exist. It wishes to exile me (and others) out of the tribe. Starve us of love and belonging. All for the Sin of being different. The Sin of Defining God/The Universe/The Divine for oneself. Yet, I shall bravely persevere in presenting this article to you all.
You see, Felicity LOVES music and dancing. In fact, my nieces have inspired me to revamp my desire for dancing. To rekindle the flame of passion I have had for these Arts. You see, my relationship to her, my other nieces and nephews, as well as anyone else I love, is more important than any relationship I could ever have with a God, Religion or Ideology. It is not up to me to decide who she is, what she thinks, or what she believes. Not her. Not anyone. And equally, no one is granted the power to do the same for me. Not even God(s) himself/herself/themselves. We are all Free to discover our own relationship to the Divine, to the Political climate, and most importantly, to our Communities as Fellow Human Beings. We are All Free to Define Our Own Lives for Ourselves. If I am to make any kind of statement in my life? It would be one of Ultimate Freedom. The “Free Will” often preached and expressed (yet oppressed, dismantled and forbidden) within the Christian Church/Abrahamic Theologies. Now this is not to mean that we have the right to abuse/exploit anyone or anything. If I were to create a list of sins? The list would be filled with Crimes Against Humanity. Not a list of human self expressions. God/The Divine is within all of Life, and All of Nature. Every creation having a purpose, and a reason for manifesting as they are within their Heart’s Center. Often times souls lose their way when they deviate from the calling of their Heart, and follow the constructed dogma of their societal “leaders.” Which I cannot blame them either. Most folks are scared out of their fucking minds. Most folks don’t understand what is true, what is personal, and what is projected onto them.Paving a Path of your Own? Building a Stairway to Heaven? Making Up Your Own Mind? Not an easy task to tackle. Which is why most people settle for a path already paved for them. Many folks take the easy wayout. Which I argue is the Abrahamic Path. A cookie cutter spiritual theology that seemingly does the work for you. But I am not here to dive too deeply into my frustrations with the Abrahamic Avenues of the World. I am here to be honest about myself, my thoughts, my feelings and my life. And honestly? I am not a Christian, nor will I ever be one, never again. That breaks the hearts of many who love me, and many I love in return.
To an extent, it breaks my own heart. Accepting and embracing the deconstruction of a system I once devoted my life to, has been difficult to say the least. The exile, the sorrow, the grief and the loneliness has been enough to kill me. Yet for some reason, I continue to prevail. Some may say that is God working in mysterious ways, awaiting my tantrum to end, and a day when I obediently make my way back to Him, the “One Truth.” Perhaps I would one day, if that “One Truth,” was actually truth. Along my life I have studied abroad and dove into realms of spirituality that intimidate the masses. I have demonized myself through my path of self discovery. I have crucified myself along my truth seeking journey. My insights threaten the foundations the Modern World has built its life around. My Personal Gnosis and Discoveries often leave folks insecure within themselves. Which has never been my intention. I suppose there is a part of me that should express more of my story. Go back to some form of the beginning. (For anyone genuinely interested, watch my “Come Drink the Moon Juice” Podcast and hear more of my Spiritual Stories/Experiences/Insights.) For those who don’t know, I have always been a Spiritual Soul. I was a child often labeled a “Gift From God,” and “an Angel sent from Heaven.” That is a lot to hear as a toddler. It is no wonder I have struggled with a God Complex over these 30 years of Life. I wanted my Birthday Parties to be Sermons and Celebrations of Christ’s Teachings. I had read the bible countless times before the age of 12. Which is ultimately where a huge part of the story, and the musical connection, begin.
My life has not been the easiest, nor has it been the “hardest.” I am aware that there are those who have suffered more than me. Yet, the struggles I have endured feel like the weight of mountains. I often describe myself as a Vessel of Grief. Perhaps this is the Aquarian Burden. A burden I bear, and a burden I wish to save my fellow Aquarius, Felicity, from. How could someone go from being the Proudest Christian to a Priestess of the Underworld? Well for starters, people need to quit taking my art, and my words, so literally. I will add here that they also need to quit reading the Christian Bible literally as well. To be a Priestess of the Underworld simply translates to being a Master of the Unconscious and Subconscious Mind. It is a shamanic pathway that leads to healing. Within the biblical stories and teachings of Jesus, you can correlate such understandings. Jesus was a mage himself. A “demon lord.” And a Master of the Unconscious/Subconscious Plane. Here is where different cultural interpretations can become messy. I want to express my respect for the individuals who stand firm in their own perspectives, as I will stand firmly in my own understanding. I do not want to preach. Although I do not mind sharing, nor do I mind teaching others my personal philosophies. But to redirect to the point of the article?
My Christian life ended when I was 12. Not when I was 15/16 and suicidal from the sexual assaults of my high school career. Not when I was 22 and physically ill and heartbroken from the abusive man who groomed me. Not when I was 24 and met my “Satanic” Husband. The Christian God, and its church failed me when I was much younger. I could take myself all the way back to when I was 9, if I truly wanted to do so. However, 12 is where I cut the cord and let go. Secretly, of course. A secret many only discovered in recent years. A secret that has stirred many rumors, broken hundreds of hearts, and has left me stranded in the darkness they wished would consume me, instead of empowering me.
As I often casually mention in passing, I am a HUGE GreenDay Fan. As well, an intense fan of Billie Joe Armstrong. Another fellow Aquarius. An Aquarius who shares a birthday with Felicity. Alice Cooper is my Birthday Twin, and part of me is lowkey/highkey jealous that Billie fucking Joe is the Birthday Twin to Felicity. I love astrology and these soulful connections. I often wonder how much of an impact GreenDay and Billie Joe would have on Felicity? Would they transform her life the same way they transformed mine? What do I mean by all of this?! Well, when I was 9? I heard American Idiot (The Album) by GreenDay for the first time. I was initiated into the Punk Rock Scene. A seed of rebellion was implanted deep within my heart. I was fuuuuuuckkinnn’ GEEEEEKED! I felt Free. I felt like I was becoming more of myself through this genre, style and presentation of Music. GreenDay has been the greatest part of my Origin Story.
As I began to blossom into myself through music, and discovered more music that fueled my soul, I received a significant amount of criticism. The criticism was not kind. In fact, I will argue that it was malicious and abusive. Particularly from the Church, and my family. My faith was starting to be questioned. I didn’t question my faith, nor my relationship to God, Jesus or the Church. However, they began to question me.You see, I come from a severely Conservative Christian Community in the Four Corners of New Mexico. I feel as if I was sheltered, stunted and forced into a box. There is a one size fits all in San Juan County. And the plot twist of it all? Very few folks fit into this one size. In fact, they will sever off any part of you that does not belong. God forbid you grow that part of yourself back. For if you do? Another guillotine session awaits you. That mentality was deeply imbedded within my family. I argue that the feminine bloodline of family has suffered from this the most. However, I have witnessed the mask slipping along the masculine essence as well. Perhaps that is due to the energetic dismantling of the patriarchy and abrahamic pull within society? I am not entirely sure about that, but I am sure about the shift. I never quite felt comfortable in my hometown. I often felt like a nuisance. Simply existing seemed to be a problem. I became more of problem when I started being more expressive along the Goth/Alt/Punk/ Metal line. I didn’t quite belong anywhere. The small Alternative Scene didn’t accept me for various reasons, calling me a poser.
The Status Quo most certainly did not accept me, for I was the Whore of Babylon. The Anti-Christ set to destroy them all. It was beyond traumatizing to go from a “Gift from God” to the Devil so quickly. My family feared for my soul. I was often met with arguments and disgruntlements that weighed me down. All because of the Music that resonated with my Heart and Soul. My mother’s side of the family never cared for the new generation’s music. My grandfather was a proud country boy. My grandmother was a devout Elvis, and Soul Music Queen. Needless to say, my grandparents weren’t a fan of the 80’s Glam Rock/Metal my mother and aunt belted from their tongues. However, Motley Crue, Kiss, Slayer and the lot of them admitted that they were only utilizing occult symbolism for shock value, money sales and all the above. There was always this line of facade around these taboo spiritual beliefs. I was okayed to listen to false prophets. Artists/Musicians who exploited culture for their own gain. (To side note, I do tend to criticize all inauthentic expressions/beings. I hate when folks are walking a talk they do not honorably believe in. I have a standard of integrity. I hate aesthetic whores at my core. Yet, I simultaneously, indifferently, I do not care. It is their life, their art and their message to the world. Ultimately they aren’t abusing anyone in a way that is worthy of execution (unlike our current politicians). As well, I enjoy all the bands I listed above. They are simply good examples that not all art is literal, and symbolism can have a vast spectrum of significance.
The human perception of life and art are complex expressions of creation). With that being said, my family was not a fan, nor stoked about my LOVE for GreenDay and all the bands that followed. Some claim that the bands I love are posers, and it takes a poser to love a poser. I argue that these bands are speaking from the soul, and too eclectic to label. And when someone or something is too unique for a label? When something cannot be categorized? It is easy for some cunt to label them a “poser.” The disapproval and emotional isolation of my family for my music taste was too much for my young, developing brain to process. I became dissociative and suicidal. The church, my family-particularly my Mother Dayna and Older Brother Matthew- and a few community members blamed my taste in music. I became so severely depressed and suicidal that I attended church services multiple times a week. I was reading advanced Christian Theology (designed for adults-NOT children), and I was talking with my Youth Pastor almost daily.
My fear, my meltdowns and turmoil was too much for my family, and it was too much for the church. They told me that I welcomed the Devil in my Heart through the mediums in which I chose to express myself. They told me that if I stopped listening to Rock Music and dressing the way I do/did? Then the Devil would leave me. They told me I was suicidal because of everything that I am. I tried to hate what it was that I loved. I tried to believe them. That disconnection from self only left me more dissociative, quietly suicidal and self destructive. This created a paradigm that any time I express myself authentically? Something bad will happen. That I will deserve to die. Does this make sense to process it this way? To some extent. Most certainly tracks for the logic of a 9-12 year old.
I internalized all of this, for years. Until I read “A Case for Faith” when I was 11. The book was essentially an agnostic research essay. The author interviewed folks of various perspectives and faiths. The goal was to create a case for faith. By the time I turned 12? My youth pastor had moved away, and discontinued answering my calls and emails. I quit going to Church. My family only went on occasion. It seemed like life became easier for them when I quit going to Church. I didn’t ask any uncomfortable questions anymore. I didn’t trigger them. I buried my feelings. I burned my faith, and I lived my life. I was nothing more than a ghost. A woman playing pretend. Saying anything to fit in. Embracing the Christian Religion as Truth to avoid the stake. In safer spaces, I would claim agnostic. Much easier to do than exclaim that your research of World Cultures, Religions and History to reach a different conclusion.
However, when I was 12? My trust in the Abrahamic God could and would never be the same. It may not surprise any of you to know that I am a deeply, painfully sensitive woman. I could never dream of doing any harm unto anyone, nor anything. For those who have seen behind my guarded veil? You would know without a doubt that I am a beacon of Love. I am a Bleeding Heart. For any God to hate me? For any God to wish to change me? That is not any real, nor true God. Why would God Create a Gift Destined to be Abused, Exploited, Condemned and Destroyed? Could you imagine a Loving God genociding a Lotus? A Rose? A Forest? A River, or a Mountain? I am the polarity of nature. I am created in the image of the gods. Just as we all are. I decided when I was 12 that any being that requires such conditions to receive love, is not a being worthy of my worship.
With that, I’ve carried on in life. Developing my own understanding of the Realm, the Spiritual World and Life as I witness it. I continue to struggle to find my place of love and acceptance. Especially when our Globe has been overpowered by the Christian/Abrahamic Regime. The Abrahamic God continues to preach His message of Conditional Love. A message of hating, destroying and inflicting war on those who are different than us. Creating boundaries of hatred and divisive virtues. Direct Hypocrisy, Irony and Opposition to the Unconditional Love of Christ Consciousness, of Jesus and of the (true essence of the) Divine. That is my story, and these are my experiences. No one is allowed to change them, nor gaslight me into believing they didn’t occur. I am not crazy for my conclusions, my decisions and for walking the path I have chosen. However, as I stated, these are my experiences. I know countless others who have found the refuge, love, harmony and peace within their Christian Lord. I know populations of folks who have found similar refuge, love, harmony and peace within other paths. If I have learned anything? Anything at all? It is that nothing is Inherently Good, and nothing is Inherently Evil.
Everything has to do with our understanding and relationship to it. We have the power to harness a positive relationship with anything that comes across our path. I will argue that the other side must equally desire a positive relationship. Even when at odds with one another. Which is why I am here in this article. Rock Oracle has been an intuitive community I feel I have been called to be a part of. I truly love and stand behind the philosophy of “Bringing People Together Through Music.” I suppose it is because throughout my life, my music has been the one thing that has divided me from my family, the friends and community of my birth/upbringing and society. Ironically, all the while simultaneously bringing me closer to folks I may never have connected with if it weren’t for our mutual love of sound. I believe music is a great way to lower one’s defenses and harmonize our collective consciousness. I was told that my music was the cause of my depression, suicidalism and outcast sensations. That is not true.
Music gave me a voice. Music gave me a vocabulary. Music gave me the foundation and framework to express myself, and the complex emotions I was facing as a young child. It was not my music that was harming me. It was the abuse I was closeting from my alcoholic mother. It was the grief of our broken home. It was the horrors of war I witnessed being blasted on the news day in and day out. It was the destruction of nature, and the absorption of toxins for corporate profit. I wanted to die, because I was not granted permission to live. Green Day taught me that my Authentic Life was Worth Fighting for. It was worth rebelling against the status quo. I was someone worthy of life, because I was alive for a reason. I was someone, something different who deserved to leave my mark upon the world. It may not be a perfect picture, and I may be a perfectly flawed individual with my own set of problems, but as long as I am trying to make a positive impact on the world? I am aeons ahead of any Abrahamic Regime that insists on War, Corruption and the Enslavement of the Human Race, Psyche, Heart and Soul.
I wouldn’t criticize Christianity as much as I do, if I wasn’t born and raised by hypocrites. If the Christian Church lead by example and followed their Messiah (Jesus), who would’ve loved me, and every other misfit, outcast and exiled being. My family is not proud of me and the life I have lived. They do not see the power in healing my shadows and taking accountability for my life. However, I have no doubt that their Jesus would be. The Jesus who taught me that the Kingdom of Heaven was within. The Jesus that taught me how to be an example of Love, and Heaven on Earth.
By this point in the article, I may have lost some of you within this Music Review. I hope most of you have come back to witness the end. Despite my controversial opinion and personal conclusion? I respect those who choose any Abrahamic Path, as long as they are not actively hating/exploiting/abusing anyone or anything. If I am to believe that nothing is inherently good, nor inherently evil, then that equally means that I do not believe that Christianity, Islam and/or Judaism are inherently evil either. I do believe they are corrupted, misguided and tainted with fear. For a group of folks with an instruction manual that explicitly states “Do NOT Be Afraid” up to 170 times? They sure are afraid. Afraid of anything and everything outside of their Bible. Anything and Everything that involves human advancement and evolution. Anything that threatens their narrow understanding of their God, this World and the Universe at large. I am not claiming I am “right” and they are “wrong.” If anything, I believe none of us truly know anything, and all of this is theoretical. We all are living within the South Park Parody “Go God Go.” Arguing, hating, and killing over whose theory is the best, most popular or most correct. Even science is not 100% factual, often having a 99.99999999% accuracy rate.
Another stance that Nothing is truly Absolute, and that includes the Absoluteness of Nothing. All we know is that We Are Alive, and that We Will Die. I will not live my life in fear. I will not live my life without experiencing everything beautiful, ugly and everything in between. I will not hate someone because of their personal beliefs. I will accept folks for their prejudices. I will grant the Individual the Freedom to Love, and to Hate. I will not control them, and I will welcome their decisions. Collectively it is our duty to come together. To grant the Right to Exist just as nature welcomes all species that make up the ecosystem of the Peaks and Valleys, Meadows, Mountains, Beaches and Oceans of our Glorious World. So what is my review on Forrest Frank and Felicity’s Favorite Song “Your Way’s Better?” Well, I think I have said my peace (4 pages worth) on the context of the song and genre. Forrest Frank may not necessarily be an artist I listen to independently. However, his voice is beautiful and his voice obviously has a message to share. I enjoy his modern edge on Worship Music. I can see why my Nieces love him.
If I were to be a Christian? If I were to want Worship music for the Christian God? This would be a fun artist to have on my list. His tunes are catchy. His words are powerful. In my own way, I can connect his words to a spiritual meaning and emphasis of my own. Which is what I love the most about music and art. As my friend Michael Guggino of Freaky Wilderness (Stay Tuned for a Rock Oracle Artist Spotlight and Album Review) says, “Art must take on a life of its own. As an artist, you cannot control how one receives your work. You have to embrace the full spectrum of potential that your work can be to others outside of you. Whether positive or negative.” A remarkable statement for Art, but also for Parents and for Life. The Creator will not control how you choose to find meaning in your existence. You were created as you were for a reason, possibly (most likely) with intention.
I would also argue it is your way, your Free Will (God’s Will because you are Free), that dictates which direction that will go. I argue once more that the Creator would (or should) Love you for it anyways. Just as a parent is meant to love their child for being someone outside of themselves. To Love like a God? Is to Love the inversion, the opposition, the differences, and the duality through disciplined integration. For me? I am the Beauty Queen of the Underworld and everything Goth, Metal, Punk, Dark, Horrifying and Black. I See the Silver Lining through the chaos and destruction. I am the Feminine after all. Just as Forrest Frank chooses his expressions to be within a Christian-Alt-Pop Genre Bender. Just as I love the mediums I love, Forrest Frank Loves the mediums he loves. That does not make me evil, nor an enemy to the masses. That does not make him evil, nor my enemy either.
You may be quick to Judge me (how very un-Christian of you), however, I have always stated that I See the Darkness in Beauty, and the Beauty in Darkness. I am the Beauty in Darkness and the Darkness in Beauty. I have dove beneath the depths of Hell, and I have retrieved Love. Love that has been Lost. Love that has been forgotten through the shields of War. Love that knows no limitations. Love that allows Life to continue forward. Love that acknowledges the Human Experience at every emotional moment. May we all find our way to share Love in this World. For we are all “Messengers of God” when we speak from the Truth, and from the Heart. There is nothing more Divine than Music. Nothing more Healing, nor more Human than Art. So, Felicity, Family, Friends and Heterogeneous Beings? May Art and Science always bring you closer to the Divine. The Divine in which you Define Love.
May you discover music that speaks to your soul and inspires you to become a better version of yourself. Music that leads you to your highest calling. For me? It was the calling to Cast Light upon the Shadows that Lurk in the closets of our World. For Forrest Frank? It appears to be the calling to remind everyone to Surrender to the Gratitude of Life, and the one who created us all. Regardless of his “Christian/Abrahamic” undertones, Forrest Frank has a positive message to share with the masses. Despite my “Satanic” undertones, I have a Loving message to share with the masses. We all may have different messages to share, or names to references for such a message, power, concept being (etc), but that doesn’t make the purpose any less meaningful. Here’s to honoring both sides of the same coin. Here’s to the collective understanding that Life & Death, Chaos & Order, Men & Women, God & The Devil are all the same Force. A necessary polarity for the sustainability of life. Not only as we know it, but for the future of life we wish to pay forward. Here’s to integrating our shadow self instead of Dissociating it with Self Hatred. Here’s to Uniting as Neighbors despite our Differences.
May we all meet each other with community-driven kindness, love and understanding for a better world. A world in which we all survive and overcome “true” evil. A World built on Compassion over Tribalism. Here’s to Sovereignty, Freedom, Justice and Harmony amongst diverse Creations of the Creator.
With Love,
Live Deliciously. Love Authentically. And Always, Stay Wyrd!
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